i don't know what's going on today but i'm feeling particularly restless.
i have all these ideas, projects, things and what not that i want to do and yet, i start something, then do nothing...start and stop. it's a vicious cycle. my mom likens it to having "moon in aries." could be but one damn thing i do know, at this moment, i kinda' feel like shit. an unaccomplished big pile of pooh.
to be honest, nothing is wrong. i have no complaints, i look at the world at large and think, things are fine but...
do you ever get that feeling that you just want a new life? a new adventure? a new beginning? just something more than where you are right now? yet, where i am...right now...at this very moment...i don't know what to make of it.
for those that know me, they know i've seen my share of shit in the short time i've been on this planet. so where i am now, i truly am grateful. but there's still something more, that i yearn for, scratching just beneath the surface.
for those that know me they also know i am a compulsive list maker. i don't know why but writing lists helps me calm my mind. sometimes i refer back to them, sometimes i don't. but to give you a peek into the mind of "cray cray", see below:
1. redo the balcony (this leads to a second portion of the list in all that i need to do)
2. paint the wall behind my bed
3. get the carpets cleaned
4. learn portuguese
5. learn conversational spanish
6. learn french
7. take another writing class
8. take a photography class
9. save up for this writer's retreat
10. learn photoshop
11. make a fucking mixtape already
12. take belly dancing
13. take yoga
14. take ballet
15. send handwritten notes more
16. take calligraphy
17. learn sign language
18. take the additional 150 hours for massage school
19. learn the piano
20. make your own leave-in conditioner (yeah, seriously)
do you see the insanity? this isn't even a third of what i have jotted down on my memo pad. in fact, i should dedicate a post to some of these lists...another time, i suppose.
anyway, the thing is, i'm so overwhelmed by all i want to do that i don't even know where to begin. i pray for clarity on a daily basis.
it's hard being a personality that is interested in so many things, that constantly wants to learn: there's always an inherent fear of becoming a "jack of all trades, master of none" and yet, there's another voice that whispers, often in between dreaming. one that tells me to let go of the hows and whys and "just do it."
i guess time will tell, "daniel san" :)